How to Be Humble Without Being a Coward

 Question:

Should I be humble or assertive? Both are considered good things, but one hinders the other, right?

Answer:

There are many reasons to be humble. Here are some common ones:

You think you're a bit ugly and stupid.

You realize that people like you more when you're humble.

It's your nature to be humble and keep your mouth shut.

You keep falling down, so what's there to be proud of?

You didn't sleep well last night, so you're a bit depressed.

There are many reasons to be assertive:

You think you're very handsome and smart.

You feel that others will listen to you and do what you want when you're assertive.

Well, that's just you.

No one but you knows how to do things right.

You didn't sleep well last night, so you're in a bit of a barking mood.

It seems like humility and boldness aren't a good match. So it won't work. Are there any alternatives?

There definitely are. Moses, the Torah tells us, was “the most humble of all men on the face of the earth.” Yet he had the courage to stand up to Pharaoh and even argue with God himself. King David sang, “I am a worm and not a man.” He meant it from the bottom of his heart, but you should have seen him wielding that sword on the battlefield. Rabbi Eliezer ben Hyrkanus was known for his humility—he would never utter a word of Torah that he hadn’t heard from his teacher—yet he constantly argued with his peers and stood his ground to the end. Similarly, Rabbi Akiva, who was so humble that he sat in a class of toddlers at the age of forty—still rebelled fearlessly against the mighty Roman Empire.

So how did these men manage to hold two opposing attitudes at once?

It turns out there is an alternative form of humility. A humility that has nothing to do with self-abasement, shyness, or even insomnia. It turns out that the same humility is also accompanied by a sense of power—but not a sense of power that arises from ego, aggression, or indigestion. Quite the opposite.

It means, “Yes, I know who I am, what I can do and what I cannot do. However, I stand before something far greater than my tiny self, so much greater that there is no room left for the vestiges of my own ego. Something before which thousands of universes are smaller than dust and from which all things evolve. Something infinite, transcendent, yet all-encompassing.”

Feeling the presence of the Infinite is somewhat humbling, like, say, standing before an extraordinary genius, the kind of superhero you greatly admire. Only this is the Infinite. It is big. Enormous.

Feeling Eternity is also deeply empowering. Because you cannot feel Eternity without being absorbed in it. And filled with infinite power, yourself.

There, in that place, humility and courage are not at odds. There, all your abilities unite to soar above any challenge, crushing the most formidable obstacles, facing the entire world without fear. Yet, you are all but transparent windows through which the Infinite Light shines upon the world.

Like Moses, like King David, like Rabbi Eliezer and Rabbi Akiva. Transparent heroes.